The Unexpected Challenges for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
The challenges for grandparents raising grandchildren are often unique and complex. For starters, they are not usually as prepared as they would like to be nor do they have sufficient support.
Here are some of the most common challenges, grouped by category:
Emotional and Mental Health Challenges
- Grief and Loss: Many grandparents take custody after trauma — such as a parent’s death, addiction, or incarceration. They’re often grieving while trying to provide stability.
- Isolation: Friends their own age may not relate, and traditional parenting spaces may not feel welcoming.
- Stress and Anxiety: Balancing a second round of parenting, often unexpectedly, can lead to burnout and even depression.
Financial Strain
- Limited Income: Most grandparents are on fixed incomes (retirement, Social Security), not designed to support children.
- Unplanned Expenses: Costs like school supplies, healthcare, and clothing can overwhelm tight budgets.
- Lack of Access to Benefits: Without legal guardianship, accessing support like child tax credits or TANF can be difficult.
Legal and Custody Complications
- Lack of Legal Custody: This can block access to healthcare, school enrollment, or even the right to make decisions for the child.
- Navigating Court Systems: The legal process can be expensive and emotionally draining.
- Complex Family Dynamics: Maintaining boundaries and relationships with the child’s parents can be emotionally taxing.
Personal Example: My aunts daughter passed in her 20's from diabities, she had a son who was only 3 yrs. He was put in foster care and my aunt (the grandmother) could not get custody of her grandchild.
After going through many hoops, she finally got custody of him, 6 months and several thousand dollars later.
Each state or country will have different laws involving these matters. You would be best to check with a lawyer. In most countries, I do believe that having a Will allows a parent to name the future guardian if needed.
Educational and Parenting Hurdles
- Outdated Knowledge: Teaching methods, technology, and discipline styles may have changed drastically since they last parented.
- School Involvement: They may struggle to advocate in school settings that assume a traditional nuclear family.
- Raising Teens: Teens especially can struggle with authority changes, trauma, or embarrassment around nontraditional guardianship.
Health and Energy Limits
- Chronic Conditions: Many grandparents have health issues that make parenting physically difficult.
- Fatigue: Keeping up with young kids or teens can be exhausting at any age — more so in one’s 60s or 70s.
Lack of Support or Recognition
- Stigma or Shame: They may feel judged — either for stepping in or for how the situation unfolded.
- Few Role Models: Unlike younger parents, there aren’t always visible support networks or relatable content for grandparents in this role.