When Life Changes: Taking Care of a Parent and Yourself

Millions of people every year step into the role of caregiver for an aging mom or dad. Taking care of a parent can be meaningful, yet an overwhelming experience.

Why Caring for a Parent Is Such a Big Transition

At some point, the roles between parent and child begin to shift. The person who once cared for you may now need your help with everyday tasks — or even full-time support. That shift can be emotional. You may feel:

• Love and gratitude — wanting to give back.

• Guilt — worrying you can’t do enough.

• Stress — balancing caregiving with work and family.

• Confusion — not knowing what steps to take first.

Acknowledging these feelings is important. It doesn’t make you selfish — it makes you human.

Practical Ways to Support Your Parent

Every parent’s situation is unique, but here are common areas where adult children provide help:

1. Daily Living Assistance

• Cooking, shopping, laundry, cleaning.

• Driving to appointments or errands.

• Helping with mobility, bathing, or dressing.

2. Health Care Management

• Keeping track of medications.

• Attending doctor visits together.

• Coordinating with home health aides or specialists.

3. Emotional Companionship

• Regular check-ins to prevent loneliness.

• Encouraging hobbies, social visits, or light exercise.

• Simply being present — sometimes just sitting quietly together.

4. Financial and Legal Matters

• Budgeting and bill-paying.

• Looking into Medicare/Medicaid benefits.

• Discussing power of attorney, wills, or other legal responsibilities.

Tip: Don’t try to do everything alone. Reach out to siblings, relatives, friends, or community resources for support.

FAQ About Taking Care of a Parent:

"How do I take care of my parent at home?"

Start by assessing their needs — meals, health, mobility, and emotional support. Create a care plan, seek community resources, and don’t hesitate to involve professionals.

“How do you cope with caring for elderly parents?”

Coping starts with self-care. Caregiver burnout is real. Make sure you:

• Set boundaries.

• Take breaks (respite care is an option).

• Join caregiver support groups (online or in-person).

• Keep your own health in check — sleep, diet, and exercise matter.

“Is it my responsibility to take care of my parents?”

This question often stems from guilt. Legally, responsibility varies by state/country. Emotionally, it’s a personal decision. Remember: you’re doing what you can with the resources you have.

Caregiving doesn’t always mean doing it all yourself — sometimes it means arranging the best possible support.

“How much does taking care of a parent cost?”

Costs depend on the level of care:

• In-home help (light care): $15–$30/hour.

• Home health aides: $20–$40/hour.

• Assisted living: $3,500–$7,000/month on average.

• Nursing homes: $7,500–$10,000/month.

Financial planning early on can reduce stress later. Explore benefits, insurance, and caregiver assistance programs. These costs are averages, you will need to check in your area for more precise amounts.

“What are alternatives to nursing homes?”

Alternatives include:

• In-home caregiving (family or professional aides).

• Adult day care centers.

• Assisted living communities.

• Co-housing or living with adult children.

The Emotional Side: When Parents Resist Help

One of the hardest parts of caregiving is when your parent refuses support. It can be embarrassing for them, they could be fearful of losing their independence, or simply stubborn.

Here are some gentle approaches:

• Start small (accepting help with groceries before personal care).

• Frame it as “helping you help them” rather than taking over.

• Involve doctors — sometimes hearing it from a professional makes a difference.

• Respect their dignity — give choices where possible.

Financial Help for Caregivers

Searches like “financial help for caregivers of elderly parents” are common — and with good reason. Caring for a parent can be expensive. Options to explore include:

• Medicare/Medicaid programs.

• Tax credits for dependents.

• Veterans benefits (if applicable).

• Employer caregiver leave policies.

• State-specific caregiver stipends or grants.

Building a Care Plan

Creating a care plan can reduce stress for everyone. Include:

• Health Needs – medications, doctor visits, special diets.

• Daily Routine – meals, exercise, social time.

• Emergency Plan – who to call, where documents are.

• Support Network – make a list of friends, family or newborns who can lend a hand.

Pro Tip: Write it down and update as needs change.

Balancing Caregiving With Your Own Life

This is where many adults struggle most. You may feel “sandwiched” when having to care for both kids and parents at the same time. Some strategies:

• Schedule regular respite time.

• Communicate openly with family about shared responsibilities.

• Don’t hesitate from getting the help of a professional.

Remember, you matter too and you don’t have to sacrifice your entire life to be a good caregiver.

What’s it All About for You

Taking care of a parent is about cooking meals, scheduling doctor visits, navigating the complex emotions of love, duty, independence, and sometimes grief. The fact that you’re even here, searching for answers, already shows your deep care.

You don’t have to do it alone. Build a network, ask for help, and remember that both your parent’s well-being — and your own — matter equally.

A Personal Story: Here’s What My Friend Did

She took care of her mother (Alzheimer’s). Her husband was in sales and so he travelled often. She had 7 year old twin girls and another daughter who was a couple years older. She was a teacher and had to travel almost 3 hrs on the road to and from work each day.

She had a nurse come in and check on her mom a few times a day. Making sure she ate, took her meds. Bathe her, they would go for short walks, rather than being stuck in her room all day and do whatever else nurses do. 

A driver came and took her to day care at least 3 times a week.

I would pick up the girls and take the twins to gymnastics classes, and the older girl to piano lessons or just bring them to my place to play till mom came and got them.

My Point: She arranged for lots of help, it was still exhausting for her because she had to schedule appointments for mom, kids and herself (and that drive).

I am not saying that it was easy for her, some days when I would see her, I thought she was literally going to pull her hair out. 

I would ask her why would she work so far away, wasn't that just putting more stress on herself. She said it was because it gave her time for her without feeling guilty. She would even go to the gym or do something for herself there without having to explain things to her children. 

After 3 years of doing this, she couldn’t anymore, plus her mom's condition was getting worse. To the point where she really couldn't manage it any more. It took some time to get her mom (waiting list) into a home, but it did happen.