Is Becoming a Parent What You Want or Not? Two Real Stories From Two Real People

Becoming a parent or not isn’t always a simple choice. It’s filled with emotion, identity, pressure, dreams, and sometimes... fear.

Maybe you're standing at that crossroads right now — heart full of questions, mind swirling with what-ifs. This article isn’t here to convince you one way or another.

It’s here to help you feel understood — and maybe a little less alone — by sharing two real-life stories from people who’ve stood exactly where you are.

One chose becoming a parent was her way. The other chose not to. Both decisions were brave, thoughtful, and full of love.

Why I Decided That Becoming a Parent Was What I Wanted

— Elena, 39, graphic designer, mom of 2

“I never had that ‘baby fever’ thing. Never swooned over baby showers or dreamed of a nursery. But around 33, I started wondering what life might look like with a little human who shared my laugh.”

For Elena, becoming a parent wasn’t obvious — and definitely not instant. It started as a quiet curiosity, sparked during a family vacation when she saw her niece toddling toward the ocean.

“There was something about her joy — the pure wonder. I remember thinking, ‘Wouldn’t it be amazing to help someone discover the world like that?"

Still, she hesitated. Her partner was unsure. Their finances were “fine but not amazing.” The idea of losing her freedom, identity, even sleep, made her anxious.

“Honestly, I was scared I'd disappear — that I’d stop being ‘me’ once I became ‘mom."

But after months of open, messy, tear-filled conversations with her partner, they decided to try. It took a while to get pregnant. And when their son finally arrived, nothing went exactly as planned — but it shifted everything.

“The first few months were brutal. No sleep, hormones, diapers. I missed silence more than I thought possible. But somewhere in the fog, I found a new part of myself — someone softer, more fierce, and way more patient than I ever knew I could be.”

Now, with two kids, Elena says the decision reshaped her life in both predictable and surprising ways.

“There’s joy, yes. But also boredom. Laughter and mess. Pride and guilt. It’s all here. What surprised me most is how much I’ve grown — as a person, not just in becoming a parent. My kids stretch me, challenge me, and remind me that love is not always tidy, but it’s deep.”

Why I Chose Not to Have Kids

— Marcus, 43, travel writer, proudly childfree

“I knew pretty early that parenthood wasn’t for me. I love kids — especially my nieces — but I never imagined myself raising one.”

Marcus spent much of his 30s fending off the “you’ll change your mind” comments. But for him, the decision was never about rejecting responsibility or fearing commitment — it was about alignment.

“I crave solitude. I value spontaneity. I live for long, rambling trips where I don't know where I'll end up. Kids deserve stability, consistency. And I just knew I couldn’t offer that and stay true to myself.”

When his long-term partner expressed her desire to have children, it led to some of the most painful conversations of his life.

“We loved each other deeply, we just wanted to live different lives. In the end, we let go. It did reaffirm how important this choice was for me and at the same time it broke my heart.”

Most people are becoming more accepting of the childfree choice, but the pressure still lingers — especially for men, who are often expected to “settle down” & be “good providers”

“There’s this quiet message that says when you choose not to have children it means you’re selfish, immature, or missing out. But for me, it’s been the opposite. I’ve poured myself into mentoring, volunteering, and storytelling. My life feels full — just in a different way.”

Now in his 40s, Marcus mentors teens in a youth writing program and travels most of the year. He says the decision brought clarity, not regret.

“I never wanted to escape responsibility — I just channeled it differently. I still nurture. I still show up. Just not as a parent."

What These Stories Have in Common

On the surface, Elena and Marcus chose very different paths. But listen closely, and you’ll hear some beautiful common threads:

• They both made their decision consciously.
 Not out of pressure. Not on autopilot. But with intention.

• They both experienced loss.
 Elena grieved parts of her old identity. Marcus grieved a relationship. Every choice carries something you leave behind.

• They both found growth and purpose.
One in the daily dance of parenting. The other in a life of service and freedom.

And most importantly…

• Neither regrets choosing what was right for them.

What This Means for You

If you're still undecided, you don’t need to have it all figured out. Some people arrive at clarity early. Others wrestle with it for years. You’re allowed to be somewhere in the middle.

What helps most is giving yourself space to explore — without shame. Ask the messy questions. Sit with discomfort. Get quiet enough to hear your own truth, underneath the noise of expectation or fear.

And remember: having children doesn't automatically make your life meaningful.
 Not having them doesn’t make your life empty.

You get to write your story. Not Instagram. Not your mother. Not that one friend who says “you’ll regret it.”

You.

There is No Wrong Choice, Only Honest Ones

Whether you decide to raise a child or raise your voice in other ways… choose with your whole heart.

I hope these stories gave you a little clarity — or at least a little comfort. If you’d like to read more, explore reflective questions, or just feel a little more seen, I’ve got more resources for you below.

Let’s keep this conversation open, gentle, and judgment-free.

Because the best decisions come from love — not fear.

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