15 Honest Questions to Ask Yourself Before Deciding "Do I Want Kids?"

These expanded reflections are designed to gently guide your thinking without forcing a conclusion.They're questions that will assist you in making your desicion, "Do I want kids or not? Take the Quiz.

Each one includes context, examples, and things to consider — emotionally and practically.

Emotional & Identity-Based Questions

1. Do I want kids — or do I want to want them?

Sometimes we confuse desire with expectation. You might find yourself saying, “I should want children,” because friends are starting families, or your parents are waiting for grandchildren. But when you quiet the noise, is the longing truly yours?

Expand your reflection:

• What feelings come up when you picture yourself with children — joy, curiosity, anxiety, dread?

• Are you more attached to the idea of being “normal” or “successful” than the reality of raising a child?

• Are you afraid of what it means if you don’t want kids?

2. When I picture my ideal life in 10–20 years, are children in it?

Close your eyes and mentally time-travel. Where are you? What does your day look like? Are there tiny shoes at the door and school lunches to pack — or is your home calm and quiet?

Expand your reflection:

• Visualize mornings, holidays, weekends. What do you feel in that imagined life?

• Do you sense energy or exhaustion? Connection or isolation?

• Are kids naturally part of that vision, or do you have to “insert” them?

3. What are my biggest fears about having children?

Fear is a wise teacher. Instead of avoiding it, name it. Maybe you fear losing your identity, failing your child, or repeating unhealthy family cycles.

Expand your reflection:

• What would be the hardest part of parenting for you?

• Are these fears rooted in past trauma, financial concerns, or lifestyle loss?

• Could any of these fears be addressed with support or boundaries?

4. What are my biggest fears about not having children?

Sometimes we’re not drawn to children — we’re running from the fear of what life looks like without them. Fear of regret is common, but it's not always a reliable compass.

Expand your reflection:

• Are you worried about being lonely in old age?

• Do you think a child would give your life purpose?

• Would your life feel “incomplete” without a family — or are you afraid of how others might see you?

5. Am I trying to fix something with the idea of a child?

A child can’t fill the gaps of an unhappy marriage, a lost sense of purpose, or strained self-worth. They can enrich your life — but they shouldn’t be expected to heal it.

Expand your reflection:

• What else in your life feels unresolved or unfulfilled?

• Would you still want a child if those issues were already “solved”?

• Are you hoping that a child will finally give your life the meaning or connection it’s missing?

6. Would I feel like “less of a woman” / “less of a man” if I didn’t have kids?

Gender expectations run deep. Society often links parenthood to femininity or masculinity — but those are cultural scripts, not universal truths.

Expand your reflection:

• How much of your self-worth is tied to societal roles or milestones?

• What do you think makes someone “whole” or “complete?"

• If no one ever questioned your choice, would you still feel conflicted?

7. Do I truly enjoy being around children — or do I enjoy the idea of being a parent?

There’s a difference between loving kids and loving the concept of being a parent. One is grounded in everyday interaction; the other in fantasy.

Expand your reflection:

• How do you feel when you're actually with kids — energized, bored, overwhelmed?

• Have you ever babysat, volunteered with kids, or spent extended time with a child?

• Is it the relationship that you love, or the symbolic meaning of parenthood?

Practical, Lifestyle, and Readiness Questions

8. What am I willing to give up — and what am I not?

Being a parent comes with sacrifices — time, sleep, money. Knowing your limits isn’t selfish; it’s responsible.

Expand your reflection:

• Would giving up weekend getaways, spontaneous plans, or uninterrupted work time make you resentful?

• Are there creative ways to preserve parts of your lifestyle with children?

• What are you not willing to compromise?

9. How do I handle constant interruptions and the chaos, not to mention the noise?

Kids are unpredictable. If you need solitude or order to stay mentally healthy, consider how being a parent might affect you.

Expand your reflection:

• What’s your response to disorder or overstimulation?

• Could you adjust — or would the mental toll be too high?

• How might you build in recharge time, if needed?

10. What does “good parenting” mean to me — and do I believe I can live up to that?

Sometimes our hesitation comes from unrealistic expectations. Ask yourself what success actually looks like.

Expand your reflection:

• Are you measuring yourself against perfection?

• Do you believe that parenting must be selfless to be good?

• What kind of parent could you be — not just the kind you “should” be?

11. Do I have a solid support system? People who will be there for me — emotionally and practically?

No one should parent in isolation. Whether you're single or partnered, support matters.

Expand your reflection:

• Who would help you — physically, emotionally, financially?

• If something went wrong (e.g., illness, financial stress), who would show up?

• Are you open to building a community or non-traditional family network?

12. Am I curious about who my child could become — or just afraid of what I’d miss if I didn’t have one?

Curiosity is expansive. Fear is reactive. Which energy is behind your contemplation?

Expand your reflection:

• Does the thought of knowing and raising a child fill you with wonder?

• Or are you just afraid of being left behind?”

• Are you making the decision from love, or from lack?

Pressure, Regret, and Social Lens Questions

13. Would I still consider having kids if it weren’t expected of me?

External pressure can feel like internal desire — but it's not the same thing.

Expand your reflection:

• Remove your parents’ hopes, your culture’s expectations, and Instagram feeds. What’s left?

• Would you make the same decision if you lived on an island alone?

• Who’s benefiting from you choosing parenthood — and who would you be choosing it for?

14. Am I afraid I’ll regret either choice?

Many people fear regret on both sides. But regret is often a byproduct of disconnection from one’s values — not the choice itself.

Expand your reflection:

• Which path feels more aligned with who you are right now?

• What regrets are you willing to risk — and what regrets would break you?

• Can you trust yourself to make the best decision for this version of you, knowing that life is fluid?

15. If I knew I’d be okay either way, what would I choose?

This removes fear as the driver and brings clarity to your core desire.

Expand your reflection:

• Imagine peace and wholeness either way — no shame, no loneliness, no “what ifs.”

• What rises to the surface when fear falls away?

• Which path makes you feel more like yourself?

These questions aren’t here to give you an answer today. They’re here to help you take a deeper look into yourself — and maybe find some peace along the way.

Childfree By Choice

Do I Want Kids Quiz

How to Talk to Family About Being Childfree

Signs You Should Not Have a Baby

What to Consider Before Having Kids

Becoming a Parent