What to Consider Before Having Kids

Whether you’re actively preparing for parenthood or just beginning the conversation with your partner, it’s a good idea to know what to consider before having kids. Not because parenting is all hard or scary — but because it’s a path that deserves more than autopilot.

This isn’t a checklist. It’s not a quiz. It’s a conversation — one that I hope feels like it’s coming from a trusted friend, not a parenting manual. Let’s walk through the things to consider before having kids, with honesty, warmth, and zero judgment.

1. Your Emotional Readiness

Let’s start with the heart.

Parenting requires emotional stamina. It's about showing up when you're tired, staying soft when you're frustrated, and learning how to hold space for another human — one who might scream at you for giving them the wrong spoon.

That doesn’t mean you have to be emotionally perfect (spoiler: no one is). But it's important to reflect on how you currently navigate:

• Stress

• Disappointment

• Change

• Your own childhood wounds

What children need most from their parents is — their presence. But that presence starts with self-awareness.

2. Your Relationship (or Support System)

You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to raise a child well. Plenty of incredible solo parents do it with love and strength.

But whether you’re parenting alone, with a partner, or in a non-traditional family structure, support matters. 
A lot.

Ask yourself:

• Do I know of people whom I can count on when things get overwhelming?

• Is my partner (if I have one) on the same page emotionally and practically?

• Can we communicate honestly, especially when we're under pressure?

Parenting will stretch your relationship in ways you can’t always predict. It helps to start from a place of teamwork, mutual respect, and clear expectations.

3. Your Lifestyle and Priorities

Consider your current lifestyle.

Do you love late nights, slow mornings, or spontaneous weekends away?
Do you thrive in structure or do you prefer flexibility?

Sleep patterns shift. Alone time becomes rare. Leisure looks different.

That doesn’t mean you’ll lose everything you love — but it’s worth thinking about:

• What parts of your current life would you be willing to change?

• What parts would you grieve or miss?

• How might you make space for both family and individuality?

The goal isn’t to erase who you are — it’s to figure out how parenting might fit into the life you love.

4. Financial Preparedness

This isn’t about being rich. You do not need a giant house or a six-figure income to raise a child with love, stability, and joy.

But kids do come with real costs, and it helps to go in with your eyes open.

What to consider before having kids:

• Can you comfortably afford essentials like food, diapers, and child care?

• What’s your plan for parental leave or adjusting your work schedule?

• You will need to be prepared for unexpected expenses like medical needs or school supplies?

Budgeting ahead doesn’t make you rigid — it makes you thoughtful. Knowing this gives you room to focus on your child, rather than financial stress.

5. Career and Work-Life Balance

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. Some parents work full-time and love it. Others do part-time work or stay-at-home roles. Some return to work quickly after birth, others need more time.

What matters most is alignment.

Ask yourself:

• How flexible is my current job?

• Would I want to take time off, and is that financially possible?

• Would a child affect my goals and career satisfaction and how?

There’s no perfect formula. But knowing your values around work and family can help you design a life that works for you — and your child.

6. Mental Health

This one’s big — and often overlooked.

Pregnancy, birth, and the early years of parenting can stir up everything from anxiety and depression to trauma triggers and identity shifts.

If you’re already managing a mental health condition, or even if you’re not, it’s a good idea to reflect on:

• Your current coping strategies

• Access to therapy or support systems

• Your partner’s mental health, too (they’ll be navigating this alongside you)

Being proactive about mental health doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re preparing to parent with resilience and compassion, for both yourself and your future child.

7. Your Expectations About Parenting

It’s easy to build a fantasy — the sweet-smelling newborns, the laughter-filled milestones, the Instagram-worthy bedtime routines. But real parenting? It’s messier. More unpredictable. More ordinary, in many ways.

Ask yourself:

• What does “being a good parent” mean to me?

• Am I open to learning and unlearning as I go?

• Can I accept that my child may have needs or identities I can’t yet imagine?

One of the greatest gifts you can offer your future child is — yourself. You are not suppose to be perfect.

8. Your Physical Health

Parenting takes physical energy, especially in the early years. Starting with the pregnancy itself. Understand all that you can about your health.

That said, physical readiness isn’t just about pregnancy. Even as an adoptive or non-gestational parent, ask:

• Am I physically able to meet the basic demands of caring for a child?\

• Do I need any medical or lifestyle changes to prepare?

Be sure to address any health concerns you may have before you have kids, or just planning for energy management can go a long way in setting yourself up for success.

9. Your Willingness to Grow and Adapt

One of the best things you can bring to parenting? A growth mindset.

Kids will surprise you. They’ll challenge your assumptions. They’ll teach you things you didn’t know you needed to learn.

Being willing to:

• Admit when you're wrong

• Try again

• Listen without defensiveness

• Adjust expectations as your child grows

…makes you not just a more grounded parent, but a more fulfilled human.

What to Consider Before Having Kids? You Don’t Need All the Answers — Just an Open Heart

There’s no perfect time. No perfect person. No magic checklist that guarantees success.
 But asking thoughtful questions now means you’re already showing up with intention — and that matters more than anything.

Whatever your journey looks like, please know:

• You don’t need to rush.

• You don’t have to meet anyone else’s timeline.

• And you are already enough — exactly as you are.

Parenthood can be beautiful, messy, stretching, and sacred. And the fact that you’re considering it carefully? That tells me you’ll approach it with love.

Because you deserve clarity. You deserve peace. And you deserve to choose a path that’s deeply yours.

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